I don't really understand the point of writing in a dumb little book. It's not like it knows what you're saying, so what's the point in "talking" to it? I keep getting blood on it, and it's staining the pages. Well... since I'm dieing, it's probably the only momento I'll be able to leave behind, it's not like my father would rely on me to keep the family's bloodline going. I have plenty of healthy siblings to do that, and cousin and aunties and uncles too. Since it's just a book and no one would read a book - especially one covered in blood - that's someone else's... well... unless they're just that rude or curious of the blood. Today... I was... er... well... ... Jeez, even in writing or a book, it's hard for me to confess what I do or my feelings. But, apparently that's what a "diary" is for. So... well... you're just a dumb little book with no feet or a mouth or eyes to read this, I might as well as write in it. It'd be a waste and I need some sort of outlet for my feelings... I suppose. I spent time at the host club, and watched some people with red hair... - and honestly - Viola in particular... She's really pretty... Uh-- well...! Not like I stalk her or anything! I don't stalk anyone! That Ani child's the one who does that! ... Ani's rather strange now that I think about it... I don't really like him. Sure he's sick like me, but he's annoying too! He hugs me a lot calling me a "sick buddy" or something along the lines of that. He says he loves everyone! And when I mean 'everyone', I mean everyone, including Viola... That really ticked me off a notch. I ended up knocking him out. I didn't really care that I did though, to be truthful. I was too irked by the fact that he loved everyone, particularly Viola. ... Viola... I... really do love her a lot. ... Not like anyone needs to know! I don't want anyone getting any funny ideas... Ugh, look how much I wrote, I didn't realize I had this many things piled up in my mind! Maybe it's all pent up feelings. ... I suppose keeping a diary can help rid some of the feelings - to some extent at least - of mine. ... That's all I have now.
-Cornelius
-- Edited by Nateoz on Thursday 28th of May 2009 08:17:18 PM
-- Edited by Nateoz on Thursday 28th of May 2009 08:19:20 PM
__________________
News Guy: NEW SPECIES OF LEOPARD DISCOVERED!
Other Guy: ... Dude, that's a baby cat. Covered in paint. The paint brush is right there.
Today was as boring as ever, the same old thing. Getting blood transfusions and check-ups, taking my medicine, and being annoyed by my father. Speaking of being annoyed, that Ani was pestering me. He said... he was watching me... and... Viola too! Viola... That... that little bastard watched her?! I got mad and attacked him for the second time this week, but this time, instead of knocking him out, I couldn't. Kurau had interrupted and told me she'd "remove me" from the Host Club, not that I really care, Viola isn't in it. And most of the people with red hair aren't in it either. Only Yiska, but her hair was probably something closer to a brown than a red. I don't like Kurau that much, he kisses the back of Viola's hand, it annoys me too much. The way he acts towards her... I get too jealous, it annoys me a bit. I don't like it when Viola gives her attention to Kurau. ... Heh... like I really have the right to have any of Viola's attention. She'd be better off having a healthy person who won't die to love. If I really do die... I... secretly wish that Kurau could take care of her, he's nice to her, that's all I really care about. As long as Viola is happy... I'll be glad. ... Even so, it's hard for me to not get jealous and remember the way she's treated is nicely. I... want her to always smile, and forget me when I die, like the way Mother wanted Father to forget about her when she died. Sigh... I hope she'll be happier when I'm gone. ... Jeez, what am I tell to a book?! I mean really...! Saying... all of this... no... more like writing... but still... ... Oh great, I'm getting more blood on it. I hate this. I'm pretty sure you can't clean paper of blood like the way you could clean clothes of blood! ... I don't like blood anymore... it... reminds me of the inevitable fact that I'll die soon. "Too soon" they say. Like Mother... she went much too soon... ... Mother... ... Why can't I remember...?
-Cornelius
__________________
News Guy: NEW SPECIES OF LEOPARD DISCOVERED!
Other Guy: ... Dude, that's a baby cat. Covered in paint. The paint brush is right there.
It was really boring today. Probably the most boring day since school had started this year. I didn't go to the Host Club today, I don't want to see Kurau. At all. I didn't get to see Viola today either. Sigh. I think I may have regretted not visiting the Host Club, today was definately boring as hell. Not as boring as being stuck in a hospital bed with an IV stuck up in your arm, I suppose. Still, usually school's more entertaining than home. Since I had nothing else to do... I went to visit Mother's grave. ... I miss Mother. She had the prettiest red hair. I love red... I really do! It reminds me so much of Mother...! I miss her smiles and voice. Father used to be a lot nicer and happier when Mother was still alive. Now he's a rather bitter and sarcastic man, at least, to me. I think he blames me for Mother getting sick, because I was the last child she had. I might have been the reason she finally couldn't keep up with being healthy and strong. Because I was the last child. The one to sap the last of the health keeping the disease away. I think that if that's true, my older siblings have some blame too! I mean, with each child she gave birth to, she'd get weaker and more vulnerable to the disease.
He still smiles a lot, even when he's being mean to me. But... the smiles... are fake and forced. At least... when they're directed towards me they are... The same happy smiles he gave to mother... are only there for my siblings. Even my adopted siblings, they didn't even have any of either Mother's or Father's blood in them! So... why... Why does Father give those fake smiles only to me?! Why am I the one who's the problem of the family?! I'd never want to kill her! No way... never! She's... She was the only one who actually gave me decent attention! Even you... my own father... before she died... before Mother died... you never thought of me as your own child, didn't you?! You always paid attention to everyone else. Everyone else... Was it... because by the time I was born... able to walk... able to talk... able to remember and understand the basics of many... you knew? You knew that... Mother was already sick...? Do you... spite me? Despise me? With forlorn malice? Only Mother... and... Brother... they were the only ones that paid attention to me... but... they died. They both died. I felt... alone. I don't really care that I'm alone today. At least... I pretend to. I miss them... a lot... I wish Mother wasn't dead... ... I wonder... but... I... can't remember what I....... ((The rest is discontinued.))
-Cornelius
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News Guy: NEW SPECIES OF LEOPARD DISCOVERED!
Other Guy: ... Dude, that's a baby cat. Covered in paint. The paint brush is right there.
Sigh... well... the "Big Day" is here. We're going camping. That is, the "we" is the Host Club and some clients. ... I... don't mind going... because... ... Viola's going too. I don't feel like writing about my family today... I just... don't want to spoil this day. I mean, I have lots of other days to spoil after all. ... Not that I want to spoil them! I just... need to release my stress and feelings sometimes, but when I reread this diary after a while after writing it, it does affect my mood a bit. Meh... I wonder how the camping trip will go. Hopefully I won't forget...
-Cornelius
-- Edited by Nateoz on Sunday 31st of May 2009 06:58:55 PM
__________________
News Guy: NEW SPECIES OF LEOPARD DISCOVERED!
Other Guy: ... Dude, that's a baby cat. Covered in paint. The paint brush is right there.
Yay! We're finally going camping...! ... Yay... ... I... I have to conserve the energy on my video games! I hope they don't run out too soon! I want to be able to play for a bit everyday. Lars says I shouldn't play video games during the trip since it's suppose to be about "nature". I don't see the point, it's boring! I've been camping by myself a few times, and once with Lars, but they were boring. I played my games until their batteries ran out. There was nothing to do, Lars doesn't talk much so he was boring. It was like torture! *sob* ;; Speaking of games, I tried making Angeal play a video game with me earlier, I don't think he wanted to though... It's a fun game though! I want to him have some fun with some games! But he seems more interested in fighting. ... Maybe... I'll show him some fighting games later! Well... after the trip that is. No electricity. ]: This is going to be a longgg trip. ;A; ;;
-Sterre
__________________
News Guy: NEW SPECIES OF LEOPARD DISCOVERED!
Other Guy: ... Dude, that's a baby cat. Covered in paint. The paint brush is right there.
It's a new month, and this camping trip is still pretty boring, even if it only just started. I've just been watching the scenery, it's all boring. But... I have been watching Viola... not like I'm a stalker! I was just watching things and saw her nearby, so I watched her, looked like she was having fun. Even though I'm having a little camping break, I still have to stick IVs into my arm to get blood, since I loose a fair amount of it every single day. I have to take my medicine to, my eldest brother packed a whole bunch of blood packs and medicine for during the trip. Sigh. There's also this dance... I... wanted to go with Viola actually... I hope this trip gets more interesting.
-Cornelius
-- Edited by Nateoz on Monday 1st of June 2009 09:25:15 PM
__________________
News Guy: NEW SPECIES OF LEOPARD DISCOVERED!
Other Guy: ... Dude, that's a baby cat. Covered in paint. The paint brush is right there.
... Haha... hahahahaha! I solved one little problem about this trip! Well... my father did actually. But, but, but, he gave me this really cool laptop that can recharge from solar energy! I can play Touhou and check things from his company, like the job applications, since after this summer, I'm taking over his company! Ohhh, I'm so excited for this summer to be over with! I want to test out this laptop, though I'm going to have to make sure I stay in a sunny place to make sure it'll stay charged. Maybe I'll see if Angeal likes to play Touhou, Lars doesn't like it, I really don't get him! How can he NOT like it?! ]: You get to shoot things! And the spell cards are pretty trippy with all those little "lights". Hm... there's also this dance... I don't think I'll be going since probably no one would bother asking me. Oh well! More time to play my games if no one does ask! [:
-Sterre
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News Guy: NEW SPECIES OF LEOPARD DISCOVERED!
Other Guy: ... Dude, that's a baby cat. Covered in paint. The paint brush is right there.
Today... all I really did was sit around, take my medicine and blood transfusions... and... just watched the water. I'd rather not swim or anything, or go too near other people, I'm going to just stay back by myself and watch what healthy people do. Hm... I wonder how it feels to have a nice free life without constant check-ups and whatnot. And... I... guess I'm... going to the campfire dance with Viola... ... M-my face is getting red.
-Cornelius
-- Edited by Nateoz on Tuesday 2nd of June 2009 09:23:20 PM
__________________
News Guy: NEW SPECIES OF LEOPARD DISCOVERED!
Other Guy: ... Dude, that's a baby cat. Covered in paint. The paint brush is right there.
Heehee... hahaha! Shortie got attacked and beaten by a bunch of tiny little crabies~! He must be realll~ly weak! I can't stop laughing at him! xD >u< I feel a little guilty... but... hey! I wasn't the one bothering the crabies~. [: I'm going to demean him with that fact as blackmail~ 8D I dunno why, but I enjoy bothering him. I still have to make him play some video games after the camping trip. Also, my dad's already started transferring information about running his company to my solar charging laptop~! I'm really excited! I almost want to take over right now... but... I can't since I'm away on a trip, so I wouldn't be able to run the company. ... Now that I think about it... if I'm taking over the company when summer break ends and school begins, I'm going to have more work ]:! Lots of paperwork and game development and sponsering games too! And less time to play video games too ;A; ;; Oh boy... >A<;; At least Dad said he'd help me out for a while before finally just concentrating on his resturants and stuff. I'm not sure if I'm excited for summer to end now...
-Sterre
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News Guy: NEW SPECIES OF LEOPARD DISCOVERED!
Other Guy: ... Dude, that's a baby cat. Covered in paint. The paint brush is right there.
I... saw Angeal's brothers! 8D They're so talllll~ >u< I really liked hanging around themmm [: Heeheeeeee~ Also... since I'm getting ready to take over Father's company, I got a temorary advisor! Though the advisor's still Father's until I actually take over, I'll have the advisor on my own though! I'm not sure of the gender, but I'm thinking male because of the pen name. "Leo". I'm just going to call Leo an it. Lol ]: ;; So Leo emails me, and I chat a little too! Leo apparently is making a game sponsered by the company! Of course I was also really happy that it was about Ouran! But... that wasn't the only email I got from Leo. Leo sent me a bunch of emails linking to places that I had to sort stuff out and do paperwork as prepping me for the take over ]:! I'm definately going to be busy doing all of this stuff... So much for just sitting around the campfire playing video games on my laptop and watching people dance. xAx;; I think Leo just want to kill me with this paperwork instead of prepping me...
-Sterre
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News Guy: NEW SPECIES OF LEOPARD DISCOVERED!
Other Guy: ... Dude, that's a baby cat. Covered in paint. The paint brush is right there.
Hm... well... today's the day of the Campfire Dance... ... M-my face... it's red again... I don't like blushing... it's... embarassing... or... is it something else is embarassing...?
-Cornelius
__________________
News Guy: NEW SPECIES OF LEOPARD DISCOVERED!
Other Guy: ... Dude, that's a baby cat. Covered in paint. The paint brush is right there.
... I guess I can do some work at the campfire today. T__T;; ... Now I'm starting to act like grumpy ol' Ketchup Lover TAT; ((Note: Sterre calls Cornelius "Ketchup Lover" because of his love of red, and ketchup is red.))
-Sterre
__________________
News Guy: NEW SPECIES OF LEOPARD DISCOVERED!
Other Guy: ... Dude, that's a baby cat. Covered in paint. The paint brush is right there.
Wheeee... so I ended up practically ditching my paperwork. It'll probably end up piling up... again. D8 We played games at the dance thing... not video games though. ]: And Shortie was weird D8< But I liked being petted. 8D I ended up punching Ani and Ruri because they made Shortie cry. D'8 I seriously think he should build at least SOME muscle for himself though. Hmmm... Iunno... why I keep clinging to Shortie... D'8 Might be an obsession with clinging?
-Sterre
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News Guy: NEW SPECIES OF LEOPARD DISCOVERED!
Other Guy: ... Dude, that's a baby cat. Covered in paint. The paint brush is right there.
