Social workers wants me to write something in this damned thing. ...Gah, saying it's good for getting me out of my shell or something like that. Dad pushed me to accept it. I hope he won't read it though.
Note to self: Hide the journal really really really good.
Speaking about Dad, I still don't trust him. Of course, it's his fault I had to go to Ouran and wear this stupid dresses. It's his fault I had to join the Host Club. It's his fault I met all those weirdos. ...Which is a good thing actually. There are some I like. Take Vik, he kind of reminds me of my childhood friend in the suburbs. Haha, and that silly Kurau, he's kinda cute actually...
Ahem, yeah I'm not that mad they put me and Kurau in one and the same cabin for that trip. He's cool, but... there is something... I can't put a finger on. He's hiding something.
...Got to stop writing, Vik is calling for some more 'fags'. Jerk.
Actually this is supposed to be a book for my poems. Not that I mind writing all of my thoughts in this, but I'm scared someone might find this. Someone like Ruri... ...Speaking of which, he saw me daydreaming by the tank in the biology-room, last week. I bet he thinks I'm a crazy person, giggling in front of a lot of fish. I don't think he'll ever notice me as the person I am. I try to, but... I guess I'm social-broken? Heh, if mom ever heard that, she'd flip. She's the most social-interacting person I know. Talking with celebs and all. A thing I wouldn't be able to do in my whole life. Talking to my classmates is even too hard for me! I wish there was someone who could help me to step over this fear..
Take my hand and give your shoulder, we're not starcrossed we're just us. Tell yourself:''let's just hold her.'' make me more than I just was...
Strange things are going on on the Host Club. Cornelius almost picked a fight with Ani and Kurau. I know he's physically not healty, though I'm thinking now he might have also a jalousy complex? ...I know it's not allright to observate my school-mates and write down their social and normal-behaviour, but it's too interesting to keep track of it! There are some more interesting subjects to write about too. Too much actually. Vanney came to me today (like she normally does), and talked about her shy-ness to me again. I strikes me she isn't as shy as she was before to me when she's talking to me. Hah! More progress! Jawolh! Maybe I should talk to somebody else, who can help me to help Vanney a little bit. She doesn't annoy me with talking to me, but... I like having a conversation with the Host members better! They're so cute!
A lot of things are going on, the week before the trip. I can feel it in the air. The atmosphere... it's making me scared. It helds the same feeling as the day I found mom dead in the bathroom. I know Corny (cornelius moon) and Viola are making circles after each other. They obvious are attracted to each other, though they don't seem to see they both do. Confusing? yes it is. Also, Ruri and Angeal don't seem to get along. Ru doesn't want to talk about it, it seems so, but my gut-feeling says it's a family-crisis. Good things also happen, don't worry haha. Vanney opens up more and more. She won't ever become a social-butterfly, though she even SANG in the Host Club room! If you don't call that progress... Also I found something wicked out about Kurau.. He LIKES dancing! When Reid was playing that song I saw him making some moves. Then he found out I was watching him, haha. That look on his face was precious! Xavier didn't seem to be too happy about it though. Around that time I had an arrangement with Xav (the normal tea-drinking, cake-eating stuff. You know..) and he looked so mad (almost green!) when he saw me staring at Kurau. I can't help it Kurau looked so cute! ...Girlylike though. I've never seen a boy with such supple hips!
I'm writing too much. My next bus stop is in about 3 minutes. I went to the museum again. Yeah, without HIM (father) knowing about it. He hates it when I spent money to visit it. I don't care about his opinion. I just love watching art. I saw Paul Signac's painting 'Un Dimanche' today. I absolutely love his pointillism works!
Here is the stop. I'll write soon! ~Yiska
-- Edited by Bubblefox on Saturday 30th of May 2009 10:52:17 AM
Ruri: “Osdeo:jo:ae' (It’s raining again)… my sorrow - once shallow puddles of longing - grows deeper… your eyes, the Ë:ní'ta:'(moon) of my soul… sway the tides of my deepening ocean of tears *shed fake tear*
Oh... dear... god! I saw Kurau singing today! In an apron! He was busy in the kitchen making tea or something and we (Torrin, Vik and I - ...yeah we were smoking again and got busted by Tor) walked in. The poor guy looked so embaressed! I hope he don't think I laughed at him. Well, I was smiling - giggling a little - but everyone does do that, right? ...It's not that I begin to think the Host club is nice to work for. It's still a little annoying to have to talk to clients! I much more like to hang around on the streets or something. Makes me wonder, why did Vik and Sonnet go to the Club? They doesn't look like typical sophisticates to me! ..Let's ask it next time I get the chance.
Also, today I had my appointment with the shrink. He still want's to talk about what happened half a year ago. Stupid people! Do they think I like to speak of my mom's death?! I know they think she killed herself with an overdose, but I suspect my 'dearest' father of this. He probably drugged her... He's lying to me. I also kno he needs a heir to his company. NEVER EVER I WANT TO SUCCEED HIM! Bastards! They all are!
I can't believe I actually song in the Host Club. I'm so happy! Reid was a true gentleman. He helped me a lot. Though, I still need to make many steps to reach my goal. And I need to stop daydreaming of Ruri, hihi. I'm thrilled about next week! We all go camping! Reina will be my room-mate... I don't know her too well, like me she isn't that social active in the club itself. She only hangs around Torrin a lot and talks to him only. Grunts and short answers are for the rest of us haha. Maybe if I get to know her better we can be friends?
Michael is an ass. He stole this journal and read it. Thank god I hadn't wrote that much in it, and I discovered it soon enough. Those bruises will last long. Hah!
I had a nightmare. Yes, about that day again. I think it'll hunt me down forever haha... We were in the bus on our way to the camping place. I had fallen asleep probably, and then it happend. I'm glad I haven't cried or spoken in my sleep... so embarrassing. Ah well, I'm not the only one with problems in this club, though I don't like to talk about it at all! I'll leave that for the shrink! When we were at the camping place everyone went to their cabins and dressed themselves. I picked my bikini and sarong. Usually I wear an oversized t-shirt over it, but the weather was nice and it wasn't nessasery with the water so close. ...Something strange occured when we (Kurau and I) were about to go to the beach side. He stood so close, staring. I don't know what was the matter with him. He wouldn't be ill, will he? I would pity him if that happens. Poor Kurau... He also told us all about the accident. Though, I'm feeling he's hiding something...
Got to go. Vik is trowing water-balloons at me. Ass! ~Yiska
While writing my story down now, I'm wearing my glasses. It's not my choice though. Mother said I had to. The doctor too. I really dislike to wear them, they make me look like some freak... I ask you, why did she put them on my nose just before I went camping with the Host Club? She couldn't have picked a worst time. I mean, everyone would see it! ...Ruri too. I'm so embarrased! Vik, Sonnet and Yiska stared at me when I entered the bus. I guess they don't know who I am at all! Or they just are secretly laughing at me behind my back. I don't care anymore, people laughed enough at me because of these stupid glasses so I learned to ignore it. But why now? Even when I entered the bus I hid my face behind my bag, I noticed Annabella wears glasses too. I think I dare to approach her. She looks nice.
Not much to say... Oh I do! I just woke up thanks to Kurau! I hate being woken up without reason. He was lucky. He got a reason haha. He made me lunch! ...And was wearing an apron! My day started happy haha. I did feel like a just-married couple though. ..Awkward.
I forgot something what proves my 'feeling'! He does all the chores in this cabin, it's nerving me out... I'm feeling such a pig for laying all my stuff over the floor and couch and all. ...He was giving me a flustered face when he found my bra hanging over the chair! Haha that was so cute! ..That was also when I decided to do some chores myself! He ain't no freaking clean-lady! ...He's gone now, saying he's going to the beach or something. That's fine with me.
...Oh my. He forgot his journal on the table. Should I... Take a peek? That would brake the privacy of Kurau... but I'm just curious. -that killed the cat. Nawh! What should I do!? ~Yiska
-- Edited by Bubblefox on Wednesday 3rd of June 2009 11:05:42 PM
-- Edited by Bubblefox on Wednesday 3rd of June 2009 11:17:33 PM
I just found this note on my pillow... It says 'I like you'. Who could have written it? And why should anyone give this to me? I mean... I'm a nobody, why would he or she like me? ..Maybe it's... No, probably not. Only in dreams that can happen! ...Reina is looking up and giving me a weird face. We just came back from the forests, just walking and looking around. We talked a little. She's pretty friendly actually. I hope I can make friends with her! ...She's asking why am I looking red! Argh!
Everything is changing now! Liebe is in der Luft! And tonight is the campfire dance! I'm so excited... but I haven't made a decision jet whoem to pick to dance with! Die Leute sind all so gemütlich! Well, I got to go now!
Tonight everybody will come to the campfire to dance. When I say everybody, I mean EVERYBODY. ...Ruri too. Shall I take of my glasses tonight? I risking a headache, but then nobody will think I'm more a freak than usual...
I haven't found out from who that note is. Reina read it and said it might be a prank. ...Still, I'm hoping!
...I read Kuraus journal. And he - now I know - SHE found me reading it. Hiding all these secrets... Kurau is a girl and likes me. A lot. I don't know what to do now. She were too sweet and comforting, confusing me even more! I said I needed a smoke (I really DID!) so I ran away. ..My feelings for Kurau aren't clear yet. ..I don't think I'm ready for something with her...
I cried. For the first time since the funeral.
...I'll write later, Vik is coming this way... ~Yiska
-- Edited by Bubblefox on Friday 5th of June 2009 08:37:34 AM
I found something Alexis would kill for! 8D Es ist ganz Toll! I found pictures of Yiska and her former work-place... No no, I'm not going to write it down here... Maybe in a few days.
Yiska is going to kill me (seriously) if she finds out I have them. Heh, I think I should do the paperwork for the Host Club ^^ Oh yeah, I saw Dakota on my way to the 3rd music room I said hi and well... I think she tried to avoid me. She said hi back though, but it sounded like she got a cold or something. Poor thing!
